LITTLE THINGS ( @ the perfectionist)

"I FIND THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE TO BE INFINITELY MORE IMPORTANT".

  Quoting Sherlock Holmes from a story published late 19th century by the great Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

Ready-Set-go go go!! We are off @ running ! NO? ok, everybody, close your eyes(not if you are driving!), take a deep breath(no, not from your bong! the kids still smokin bongs these days?), stop for 1 second (you got a second right?), good. Now, what in the name of god are you thinkin about? What, in the name of the wide world of sports, are you doing?
  CRISIS! PANIC! GOTTA DO THIS! NOW! Or someone will die !! I gotta get to Jewels ! Kids will starve ! Getouttheway ! Move !
  Sound familiar ? This is you, right ? Admit it, you are one of those perfectionists I keep hearing about, ain't ya? Been hearing a lot about this special brand of people lately. Strange phenomena, this perfectionist thing. Many are soccer moms residing in Du page County, IL. Living by the philosophy of GET THE FUCK OUT THE WAY OR DIE! "Gotta pick-up Hudson, Porter, @ Ariana from pre-school, kindergarten, @ 1st grade. If I am 1 minute late, men will die". 

 Ringing a bell? This is you. Gotcha! And i just have 1 thing to say. Really? Are you really this deranged? This mentally ill? If yes, you gotta jump into a river. kill yourself. do it for your kids. 
  Is every waking second of your tiny little life do or die?  It is isn't it? upon further review, i think not. perspective people. the constant striving for that keeps me from committing homicide to soccer moms everywhere. Ever grocery shop around these assholes? jesus!
  Speed. everybody is on speed. stressed @ running. always running. why so urgent? Hudson can wait 30 seconds. no one will die. trust me, i am the voice of clam, reason, serenity, peaceful ez feelings. Will someone please tell me to shut the fuck up already? PROOF-READER, where the hell are you? club me upside the head when necessary, you promised dammit!
  why the NEED to do everyfuckingthing at breakneck speed? how come? what's so important? it is not life @ death every waking moment, but we behave as if. touching a nerve here, ouch !
 what ever happened to calm, be safe, take it ez? it's gonna be ok. it's alright honey, slow down. you will live longer happier contented lives. EVERYFUCKINGTHING is not life @ death. BUT THE DRY CLEANERS CLOSE IN 5 MINUTES ! AAAAUUUURRRRGGGGHHHH ! again, refer to the aforementioned, kill yourself.  

everybody freakin out,man. honest to god. we are in panic, selfish, crisis mode 24/7. and we become less human by the second. 50 years from now, those that survive Armageddon, are gonna be robots in personality. we are 1/2 way there already, 1's @ 0's, nothing more. on/off, digital in voice @ deeds. i do not envy the future. brain matter being replaced with 1 more app. plug in, tune out brought to you by Bill fucking Gates! congrats bill, you turned a whole generation of living human beings into mechanical surplus. didn't take very long either. well done bill, you robbed Jobs @ made billions. 
(allegedly) 
 I'M FEELING A WHOLE BUNCH OF YA PULLING AWAY !! stop him !! someone,  cuz Fw is making sense !! NOOOOO !! AAAUUURRRGGGHHH!!

drive calmly-safely-don't speed-don't get into an accident-get there safely. 

What a revolutionary concept ! 

I got another special brand o people for ya! I have many friends who attend various 12 step self-help groups(yes, most of my friends are almost as screwed up as me). Many of these have mentioned how they drive like a butt-hole to make sure they are not late for their 12 step mtg. Becuz, you guessed it, they are now PERFECTIONISTS !! YEAH, JOHNNY, GIVE THESE PEOPLE(SICK BASTARDS) A PRIZE ! A kick in the ass would do nicely,  flogged, water-boarded, et al !!!Your kidding me right? no. what program are these infidels working that says it's ok to drive like a fucking asshole? what step is that? or, God said it's ok to be psychotic while driving. in a vision perhaps? so, apparently, this is being a perfectionist. 
  Question for the alchy who works this program, other than being perfectly drunk, what have you EVER done that was perfect? OOH-OOH, i know, NOTHING ! say it with me brothers @ sisters, NOTHING ! Let's finish this train. Alchy, what are the consequences if you are 5 minutes late for your meeting? think, dammit, think! Use that pile of grey crap that's in your skull! Do they throw you out? Do you sit in the penalty box ! people throw shit at you? Verbal reprimand? Written write-up? Suspension from recovery? Do they force you to drink a shot of gin(Dimitri, the good stuff)?

    HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE THESE PEOPLE(using the word people loosely)? 
  From what i hear, you do not sign in, punch a clock, nor give any personal info. And now that you are mentally healthy, you drive like an asshole cuz you are now a PERFECTIONIST. you have now entered the JUMP INTO A RIVER STAGE OF YOUR RECOVERY.
  Why, 0, why are you driving up my ass in a school zone, rush hour traffic, snow, rain, construction, accidents? You are a very important person, you are running late,again, @ i am in your way, ruining your day ! Why, o, why dumbass, did you not leave earlier? this makes too much god dam sense, does it not? You grow fangs, face beet red, screaming expletives, BP soaring, bump old men cuz they are slow, - WELCOME TO RECOVERY !!! 

 There was this 1 guy who was perfect. Bout 2000 years ago(some of you may be familiar). The powers at be nailed Him to a cross. There is a lesson in there somewhere. Tell you what, we're gonna get back to this one at a later date, in this current blockbuster epic masterpiece(as some of the critics have said, thanks mom) of non-literature. @ I must confess, this is nowhere near perfect!

                                          EGO-PRIDE come before the fall
 Being a perfectionist leads only to constant @ daily disappointment for the struggle can never be won. There is always one more thing that could be done, and if i do not get to it, i therefore, makes me a loser. I let everybody down for the burden of the species is on my shoulders! For i, am SUPERMAN or KATWOMAN, @ i failed! AGAIN! despicable! i make myself sick. i suck! then we superheroes thrust this upon our kids,  forcing them into a lifestyle of drug/alcohol abuse @ other various deviant criminal behavior. CUZ NOW OUR CHILDREN HATE US ! everybody let's us down for no one can live up to our superhero standards. standards set by me cuz i am GOD @ i know best !

 This is no way to go thru life. Never contented, never getting to a place of a job well done. no peace of mind. hearts are always heavy, all around we never reach a place that says it's ok, all is well. This philosophy forces us to automatically throw the good in life, the positives right into a garbage can. The very real gifts of life immediately taken for granted. Cuz, that one thing that did not get done correctly nor on my time @ that asshole(spouse) ruined my day!
       YOU FEELIN' ME? MAKIN' A DENT?

 Of course, the reality is the opposite. There is always good, always positives, there is hope. EVEN ON THE WORST OF DAYS. We cannot allow 1 asshole to take away from the 10 good people in my path today. For I must stop - breath - be still - @ become aware of all the great @ good that surrounds me, everyday. I must not allow 1 insignificant asshole to ruin a perfectly good day. If I do allow that I am the creator of my own misery !  How bout u? This concept ever cross your mind? Because it's never you that is the cause of your problems, right? It's always those other jagoffs! WRONG, AGAIN ! 

 There is always something to be grateful for, if my thinking is on a broader level, with humility @ better understanding of the big-picture. (that proof-reader, is my college education, baby! U can't stop this train baby! U can try, not gonna happen!) Barring your house is on fire, the vast majority of days are good days. beauty if we choose to see it. love, if we have love in our hearts. kind people that are too easily taken for granted. I have had days in which i will meet 99 good people @ 1 butt-hole. @ at the end of the day, when i lay my head down, i will be thinking about the 1. THIS IS ABSURD ! shame on me! my thinking being so far up my ass it's ridiculous! I am completely ignoring @ taking for granted the wonderful gifts @ people God put in my life today.

                 Thus, rendering me the asshole@ creator of my own misery. 

                                   the state of  my spiritual condition. 

 OH OH ! there's that word again, that so few among us actually comprehend.( come on, give it to me man! for that is one hell of a sentence. college educated - WOO-WOO ! took 9 years, nevertheless, I GOT A DEGREE ! it was the 80's, cut me some slack. how i made it, sometimes i wonder. Alternately, i am ashamed @ incredibly proud, at the same time. cuz in the 80's, i was a mess @ cocaine fueled! i hold my head high, usually. i only hate myself 1 day out of 10 now. instead of 10 out of 10, when my disease had me by the testicles. Tryin to keep it clean, for the kids. Cuz when they got u by the testicles, your heart @ mind will follow! this flashback coming from a plaque in Charles Colson's office(special councel to dick nixon. tho colson used the B-word. but i digress, i'm sure u knew that. pulled that 1 right out of my ass. better than pullin a rabbit, no? but to each his or her own. what you pull out of your ass is your business. live @ let live is my motto. PROOF-READER - i still got it baby! synapses @ receptors firing just fine, thank u very much. would u not agree? you, yes you! nevermind, don't answer, truth hurts, ouch !)

SPIRITUALITY, yes-no, run away! EZ big fella, it's gonna be ok!

Even Jesus Christ had a bad moment or 2. and i may be entering the gates of hell at the time of my demise for publishing this. That being said, Christ on occasion, did disappoint his mother. all sons do. He became full of rage. The powers at be turning His father's house of prayer into a den of thieves. This act of rage i get. the disgrace, the greed, the hypocrisy of the church leaders, rage, absolutely, does seem appropriate.
  Get ready for this, all of you evangelical old testament blowhards.Jesus Christ liked women !!! OH, THE HORROR !! STONE HIM ! STONE FW ! slow down, it's still a sin to kill right? Gotta look that up. criminal attorneys, politicians, CIA, NSA, FBI, DIA, NIA, military-industrial complex may have found a loop hole. It's gonna be ok. JC did like women. He was a man afterall. The assertion that Christ was above human emotion, feelings, @ desires is absurd ! (AT THIS TIME, WE TAKE A TIMEOUT, SO THE PREACHING DICTATING EVANGELICS CAN JUMP INTO A RIVER !) for way too many centuries, what u people preach is non-sense.

SPIRITUAL CONDITION.  what's in my heart? love or no. grace of god or no? hope or hopeless? awareness of beauty, joy, peace, kindness or no? the negative is no way to go thru life. life being way too short to be ruined by fear, stress, assholes, $$$$$, bosses, traffic, politics, et al. It's a choice i need to make everyday. good/bad? right/wrong? love/or not? God/hopeless? 
  For if i do not consciously choose, my sub-conscious will choose negative, hopeless, fear, anger, self-pity, resentment, @ the rest of that crap. THIS IS MY DISEASE. MY MENTAL ILLNESS THAT NEEDS ADJUSTING EVERYDAY.

LITTLE THINGS AND RECOVERY 
  Little things that mean everything. Daily, i need to choose @ work on my spiritual condition, very similar to good physical condition. To maintain good physical condition i need exercise. If i stop, i am not standing still, i am going backwards, quickly.The same theory is true of my spiritual condition. I stop actively working on it, i am going backwards, quickly. And for me, this can ultimately lead me back to alcoholic insanity. This is no joke. we are never cured. but today, the easiest thing i do is not drink. that is what i get, today.

 I PRAY - almost daily. sometimes kneeling, walking, jogging, working, where ever. LITTLE THING.
READ DAILY RECOVERY LITERATURE  - almost daily, takes about 10 minutes of my day. LITTLE THING.
MEETING MY FRIENDS IN RECOVERY - about 5 hours a week. LITTLE THING
PHONE CALLS - friends are never far. LITTLE THING.

These activities seem ridiculously small. But, look at what i get in return.  WOW !!!!! Go back to my list.  From these little things I get honest thus insuring another day of sanity(never to be taken for granted). I retard the awful loneliness(knowing i am never alone). Receiving hope(perhaps the greatest gift of all). A sense of well-being for a better tomorrow. Peace in my heart @ mind of which there is none without these little things. An awareness of how beautiful life can be(my life is not beautiful without these little things). How beautiful some people really are is overwhelming. 

NEVER EVER THINKING ABOUT PICKING UP A DRINK !!!!

LITTLE THINGS THAT ARE EVERYTHING !!!!!!!

MORE; Be a gentleman(not hard). Smile @ say hi to a stranger. call your mother. tell someone you love them.  forgive the petty in strangers. see the sunset. beautiful music ! take a walk(can you?). roof over your head today?  eat today? got a job? ICE CREAM !!!!!!!!!  
  NOT SO LITTLE AFTER ALL. Little stuff, the greatest gifts of all.

 I thank the Lord for putting people like The Girl, my Babygirl, @ my newest sweetheart, Liela( she's almost 2) in my life. The greatest gifts i have ever received. DO YOU KNOW WHY GOD MADE YOU ? SO THE REST OF US CAN SEE HOW GOOD HE IS. You make the world a better place. How blessed am I?  
  God loves me. JC is always with me. evil cannot touch me. as long as i take care of those little things.

           But I need to stop - Breath - Be still - and know there is a God,
                                                       or pay the price.

TODAY, AT THE END OF THE DAY,  CUZ OF THOSE LITTLE THINGS, LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL !!!

                                             LAST-BEST-ONLY-HOPE 
                                             with the heart of a child 

CHAPTER THEME SONG;             "Song 2"  -  BLUR

- check out the live performance on You Tube from 1998, short, sweet, a little song. Blur fucking kilz it! 2 minutes, 2nd greatest rock-n-roll song all-time !! simple really, and so very difficult. this performance, this is what i'm talkin bout! Does not get any better. The sweet spot ! The G-spot, if you'll permit. so little, so explosive ! U feelin' me ? i kno u do ! @ u kno who u are !  LITTLE THINGS !!!

                                             
                                 PEACE @ LOVE,

                                              F. W. Roman