NOT A STRONG TRAIT (Addicts @ Delayed Gratification)
"Delaying gratification is a process of scheduling the pain @ pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with. IT IS THE ONLY DECENT WAY TO LIVE".
THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED by M. Scott Peck M.D. pg.19
AAAAAUUUUURRRRRGGGGGHHHHH !!!!!!
truth stings and as for me, i got a whole bunch of arrows sticking out of my ass ! you are not alone. i am here for you reader. except when it becomes inconvenient. the american way ! me! me! me! all me! all day baby !
i digress.
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Am I really writing this chapter? Oh, hell, more dirt on FW, but I will never shy away from my shortcomings. Can't, I am one of those recovering alcoholics, after all. Which you obviously already know, and if you do not, what in the hell is wrong with you? Kidding joking, for i must laugh. for if i don't laugh i will weep. i bury my head in my hands @ cry, THE HORROR ! THE HORROR OF MY LIFE ! NOOOOOOOO !!! HOW DID I GET HERE !! HOW, IN THE NAME OF THAT IS ALL HOLY, DID THIS HAPPEN ? CUZ IT WASN'T MY FAULT !!!
3 hours later . . . all is well. everything copacetic on my end. sorry, those stray thoughts. the battle of good@ evil continues, generally in my brain, dark to lite - go to the lite - cuz that may very well be the A-TRAIN ! seek-ask-knock me down ! see how this works? see how it all comes together? you catchin my drift? how we make the magic happen? YA DIG ? YOU PROOF-READER, YES YOU !
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BI-POLAR - MANIC-DEPRESSION - A-D-D ;
i got it all baby ! very appealing characteristics, no ? and how the chicks dig that ! I, am a slice of pumpkin pie, or rhubarb, if you prefer. BUBBLU-GUM, LOLLIPOPS, SILLY-STRING is what i'm all about !
Obviously, 53 years in chronological age(does that make sense?), emotionally, i'm about 6. Keeping the heart of a child throughout. For then, I am allowed to see the kingdom of heaven. AND NOTHING, NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT !
AND HERE WE GO !!!!!
serious mode. middle- age mature- man now, spewing words of wisdom. slobbering all over you if you do not mind that sort of thing. no worries, i brush @ gargle twice daily. good oral hygiene is my motto. IF NOT YOURS, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME !
Ever take a close look at your average drunks teeth? do yourself a favor, don't. or smell their breath ? VILE ! STINK ! SKUNK-LIKE ! RUN AWAY ! STOP ! the horror is indescribable. SHIVERS ! NIGHTMARES ! be afraid-be very afraid ! but, alas, (yes that word again. @ you proof-reader, are either blown away with my acumen, or aghast !), DON'T !
Nevertheless(Never, little brother of James. WEEEEE !!! got you again ! college educated and all that ! which you are in no doubt of.), where was i ? priorities of your average drunk. Drunk has $2 panhandling(work ethic and all that crap). what's he/she gonna spend it on? A; -a quart of good ole USA piss-beer, or 2; toothpaste @ brush ?
DING-DING-DING ! give the lady a prize ! you guessed right, a quart of good ole USA piss-beer wins every time ! (MAGNUM - the good stuff from the ethically @ morally correct Anheiser Busch quality!). For average drunk knows she/he can brush their teeth tomorrow ! We can all see the logic there. PRIORITIES !
OK, where in the name of GOD am i going with this ? your guess is as good as mine. let's find out shall we ? Are you with me proof-reader? I need to know if you are with me aboard this epic masterpiece of non-literature. Or, are you running for the hills ?
DON'T ANSWER.
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DELAYED GRATIFICATION
WHY? WHY! I CRY! I MUST! READY-SET-GO GO GO !!!
"D.G."(for people who use quote fingers and you know who you are) -
Not, I repeat, not a strong trait of your average drunk/dope fiend/addict of any sort of deviant behavior. "I want what I want when I want it and if you don't like it you can go to hell !" Sounds extreme and it is , but it is also extremely accurate. I would know, for I am the perennial expert on any and all sorts of deviant behavior. But, thank GOD, that was then and this is now. Things have changed. I have changed. and once again thank god for that.THIS ATTITUDE IS NO WAY TO GO THROUGH LIFE. The consequences are devastating. Many people get hurt(mostly people who care about us the most). I don't want to hurt anyone any longer.
Impulsive behavior without thought to consequences nor any regard to other people. THIS IS JUST ABOUT AS FUCKED UP and pathetic, selfish, tiny, loser attitude a human being can have. My mother did not raise me this way(thru the grace of God, Jadwiga saw me get sober). God does not want anyone to live this way. It is cruel and always unkind. No love nor dignity. Cowardly.
The feelings of others in the mind of an addict NEVER, NEVER, NEVER come into play. For we are victims. If you had my problems, you be drinking too! One of my sisters said that to me once and a bigger crock of shit I have seldom heard. I am entitled. Don't you know who I am ? I am a prince! Mommy told me so! And if you don't like it, BUZZ OFF ! Entitled to lie, cheat, pee all over people who care about us. WE BEHAVE THIS WAY BECAUSE ULTIMATELY WE HATE, DESPISE, @ LOATH OURSELVES. And I project this onto you.
Truth stings, man ! Arrows in the ass ! I will never deny that I too was once one of these dickheads. Right up to the age of 35. Which makes me an expert on this subject matter of an ilk you have never seen ! Certainly nothing to be proud of here but an expert nonetheless. (ilk - still got it baby! for everything i do i do it for you ! Tie-in to the chapter theme song !! can't stop this freight train ! i'm a live wire ! WOO-WOO Ronny! gotcha again! you have fallen into my trap. there is no escape !) STOP THIS NON-SENSE OR THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY !
AGAIN D. G.
AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH ! ya dig! this last statement captures the essence of my feelings on this subject matter succinctly and sublimely(and i, as they say, am on a fucking roll!!!).
DR. M. Scott Peck, author of "RLT"(5,000,000 copies, FUCK ME! i'm jeolous,envious, green! why not me? add self-pity to the list of average drunk. yes, we got it all !), states, "DG" IS THE ONLY DECENT WAY TO LIVE.
Not learning DG in childhood thru teen years into adulthood often, sadly, tragically leads to a pattern of failure that leads to disastrous marriages, accidents, psyche-wards or jail(RTL-pg.20). Teenagers who do not learn DG become involved with fighting, drugs, @ trouble with the police.
This is heavy-duty shit. Important, this. The roots of all sorts of deviant behavior and trouble lasting a lifetime. Why is this?
"Most of the signs rather clearly point to the quality of parenting as the detriment"(RLT-pg.20).
stop - breath - be still - know i am god - (i gotta pee)
Serious For a Bit -
young people, teens, 20 somethings - LBOH primarily deals with alcohol/drug addiction. addiction rears it's ugly head in a wide variety of self-abusive deviant behavior(smoking-sex-eating-sex-spending money-sex, the list is endless).
I'm seeing way too many young people falling off the wayside with booze/ drugs( family, friends, neighbors). addiction wiping these young lives out. families being blown apart thru DNA or learned behavior. in fairness to some parents, you can be the best mom or dad and still your child can grow into alcohol or drug addiction. many contributing factors. any and all kinds of drugs readily available everywhere. addiction has no favorites. all are welcome. male/female, rich/poor, educated/dumb, all ethnic backgrounds, economies, religious beliefs.
THE HUMAN RACE IS THE TARGET AUDIENCE.
ME;
crossed the line into addiction at 15. alcoholic from the get go. 1st blackout drunk at the age of 12. 1st drugs at 14. at 15, game over. line is crossed, nothing can ever be the same. never going back.
1977 - PINK FLOYD, Soldier Field, Animals Tour, PCP - I NEVER CAME BACK. actually, i did come back, 20 years later, 1997 ! jesus, how didn't i die? we still live in the age of miracles.
MY HOOD - 25 year old, blackout drunk, HS dropout. where is this going? Dr. Peck - drunkeness, fighting, police, no education, no future. ROCK BOTTOM IS COMING ! sad to see this disease rip young people apart, stealing their future(the family broken as well). What truly gets me is not just the wasting ugly existence being lived, but the loss in future potential as well. the loss of experiencing the best that life has to offer
I DESPISE THIS FUCKING DISEASE
FAMILY; - 22 year old male junkie/alcoholic, criminal(4 time loser), no education(thrown out of HS at 15). no future on the horizon besides tragic, progressive consequences. FRIGHTENING. looking past the awful psychotic cowardly junkie criminal behavior, is a young kid who is very lost, afraid, full of self-loathing, extremely sick young man, wasting the gifts he was born with. so very sad. i see past the disease. past the ugly behavior. i see a terrified child, following in his mommy @ daddy's ridiculous drunken footsteps. this kid did not have a prayer. his life is completely understandable. i empathize with the DNA and learned behavior. dysfunctional in the extreme.
20 year old brother just got out of rehab following his brother's lead and the cycle continues. this ain't a hallmark type family. not the waltons. just my family. GOD DAMMIT, WHEN DOES IT STOP ? my prayer for the 20 year old, get the hell away from your family. otherwise . . .
way-way-way too many people having kids who have no business having kids !!!
KANER ! - Pat Kane, Blackhawk hero, biggest sports superstar in The Windy City since MJ. greatest blackhawk since the Golden Jet, Bobby Hull. Kaner may very well be the golden jet reincarnated, sadly on and off the ice. Kaner, 26, 3 time champion, clutch as we in chicago have seldom seen. biggest goals in the biggest games. unstoppable, just ask The Boston Bruins upon which chicago finally extracted payback from the early 1970's. hall of fame in this future. a legend -
and he is on the verge of losing everything !
I have to say, I am a gigantic fan. the recent events in this young man's life i find terribly sad. his freedom and career are in jeopardy. millions of dollars are at stake. JAIL ?
and for what?
booze and drugs have been rumored to be a part in this man's life. The consequences certainly bare that out. repeat offender. progression kicking in. the end is near, staggering consequences facing this guy unless . . .
this guy desperately needs help.
I am a lifelong chicagoan, a sports fan since the 60's. and this, this is fucking awful. i like to think he comes from a good family, and yet, this disease, what it makes young people throw away.
THE FLIP-SIDE;
"DG" ! we got one ! YES ! we got ourselves a star from the womb ! a star from grade school, hs, college, adulthood, career, motherhood. just about the most amazing girl/woman/human being i have ever had the pleasure of being around. tremendous success at every level. straight A's obviously. homework, done. star athlete in hs and college, of course. now, a hs teacher and girls varsity track coach, goes without saying. staggering resume. AND A MOM !!!
it was my privelage watching this remarkable human being grow up. of course, we are speaking of my hero, THE GIRL, JAMIE - SUPERSTAR! she makes the world a better place. a more beautiful place.
fairly certain jamie's mom was the difference maker. jamie could never, never, never bare disappointing her mother.
She never did ! remarkable.
MY MOM;
Jadwiga, an amazing woman in her own right, saw me go off the deep end at 15. the disease had me hook line and sinker and was not gonna let go. her love and care were not enough. Thankfully, miracles, yes, 20 years later, my mother saw me get sober. the greatest gift i have ever received is that my mother did not have to bury me.
is there anything worse ever, more tragic than a parent having to bury their child because of the disease of alcoholism/drug addiction ?
NO !
THE WASTE. THE LOSS OF LIFE AND POTENTIAL. ending uselessly because of drugs/booze. nothing could be sadder.
YES - ONE HELL OF A DISEASE !
KIDS GROWING UP IN DRUG/BOOZE HOMES;
these kids do not have a prayer barring some miracle. by 6th, 7th grade kids need to be taught the dangers of booze/dope. for by HS, it's all there. any and every drug you can imagine. same way back in the 70's when i was in HS. POT, LSD, PCP, DOWNERS - name it it's there. i derailed freshman year. a kid. lost. addicted sick.
discipline, self-worth, self-care need to be taught in grade school for if not, by HS it could be too late. a whole life spiraling out of control. i do not envy parents today. i think it's more difficult than ever raising children.too many choices. a kid with healthy self-worth will do his homework, stay in school, and have a much better chance of staying away from booze/dope. a great chance for a brilliant future.
a kid with no self-worth, no self-esteem, zero discipline, no self-care . . . where is this going? no where good.
I so enjoy watching young people flourish. i loath watching young people destroy themselves. we get infants, angels from Heaven, and 15-20 years down the road, what you got ?
YOU GOT SOMEONE LIKE THE GIRL ? or you got a jailbird ? tough stuff, this.
MOMS-DADS, who abuse alcohol and drugs around your kids, STOP ! for the love of god, stop !
ONE LAST THOUGHT ON "THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED" - NOW I CAN THROW THE DAMN THING AWAY !!!!!!!!!!
VERSE; - John 12:36 - "While ye have light, believe in the light, that ye may be children of the light".
SONG: (Everything I Do), I Do It For You - by Brian Adams
smash hit from the soundtrack of ROBIN HOOD - Prince of Thieves. This song, an arrow straight from the heart and into another's. This one knocks me down. the sentiment. why we do what we do. why we get out of bed. why we sacrifice. what makes it all worth it. THAT ONE PERSON, THE ONE. the one we die for. the once maybe twice in a lifetime. sweet mother of god, to know this, glorious.
PEACE @ LOVE,
FW Roman
LAST-BEST-ONLY-HOPE
With the Heart of a Child
coming soon !!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by FW Roman @ 5:32 PM
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